Zest Learning - Refreshing Organisations, Energising Individuals

2012-01-19T04:13:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it.

In August (2011) I wrote about the charity challenge I'm doing at the end of March (2012), which explained when I started the journey to raise £3800, I quickly realised just how hard it was going to be. I didn't think I was going to do it and nearly gave up. But I couldn't give up. I had committed to doing the challenge. I had made a commitment to myself, the charity and my friends and family around me who are supporting me. That's what helped me succeed.

£316 didn't sound like a lot when I broke it down, and yet I couldn't just rely on a few people for that, I had to put my mind to it. I had to think about how I was going to make it happen. What did I need to do in order to raise the money? Who could I ask for help?

My determination to succeed has helped me do just that. I have reached my target, and more. I couldn't have done it alone though and have asked for a lot of help along the way. I'm very fortunate that I have some great support around me, much of which has come from approaching people, explaining what I'm doing and asking for help. The local pub, Primary School, local businesses and my friends and family all agreed to do just that.

One big thing I learnt along the way, was to only count what I had in my hand and not to rely on those who said they will donate money or get me a raffle prize because it often didn't happen. Don't count your chickens before they hatch; use them to keep you focused. By that I mean consider what you can do just in case you don't get what you're expecting; have a contingency plan.

Now I've reached my target, I have taken a step back from fundraising and stopped pushing to raise more money. Of course, the more I raise the better for my chosen charity (GUTS), and yet I need to focus on what's right for now. As I have raised, and actually received the money I've stopped holding events. No more car boot sales and no more pub quizzes or cake sales. I still have donation boxes scattered around but my focus needs to shift; I need to be physically fit and ready to go. It's going to be hard work and my fitness level needs to increase, and that's what I need to put my mind to and focus on now. That's my next challenge.

When you put your mind to it and add determination to succeed, you will. Be ready to ask for help along the way though; many hands make light work after all.

What's your next challenge? How are you going to make it happen?

What’s the message here for you?

2011-12-20T05:18:00.000-08:00

Let me paint you a picture. I completed my NLP Trainer in July with John Grinder, co-creator of NLP, Carmen Bostic St. Clair, partner of John and co-creator of New Code NLP and Michael Carroll, inspirational Master Trainer and the business brain. This training was three weeks with the last week being four days of assessment.

Throughout I felt confident of my ability and was reassured that I do actually know what I’m doing, I do have the ability to use NLP ethically and successfully and I noticed that other learners were coming to me to ask for my support and insight. All this felt very good indeed.

My reason for qualifying is so I can start helping other people experience the magic of NLP, I want other to use it and know its value. I want to qualify Practitioners and Master Practitioners alike. I watched as other people on my course launched into delivering their own programmes and as yet I still have not started mine. Why is that?

For me, I still need to believe that if someone is going to spend their hard earned personal cash with me, that I am going to be the absolute best I can for them. This got me thinking about how I could practice my skills, spread the word that I was now in a position to deliver NLP training and create some momentum. So I decided to start an NLP Practice group. A place where people curious about NLP could come along and find out more. A place where those who already had a Practitioner or Master Practitioner qualification but didn’t really use it very much, could come along and practice. A safe place for everyone, including me, to practice. To try, test, question, experience, learn, share or simply be.

I put the message about among some online groups that I was planning to create a Zest NLP Practice group and would anybody be interested and the response knocked my socks off. The interest was massive. So I pushed ahead and started the group. Our first session was in October and 14 people said they were coming and 14 people turned up! The vibe was great, informal, friendly, welcoming with a little buzz of excitement running through the group.

Our second session was in November and 20 people turned up. Oh my! The word had begun to spread and momentum was gaining. A more challenging session this time for everyone, with great debate and discussion, some quizzical brows and much learning. Again, the buzz on arrival, the anticipation in the air, was visible. The room was vibrating. This particular evening went on much longer that it was meant to, something that I will ensure doesn’t happen again, but it went on because people were curious. When I finally got home my brain was whirring and I couldn’t get to sleep. 1am crept upon me and finally I was able to close my eyes, although my whole nights’ sleep was very unsettled.

Even the next day I still had a nervous feeling in my tummy, a vacant expression in my eyes as I delved into a world inside my head. The question that I was churning around was this, I have been working in Learning and Development for over 14 years, and I’ve worked with so many different types of people and different size groups, that I’m confident in almost all situations. So what was the difference between working with this group of people than all the others? The answer to that finally dawned on me and its two fold.

Firstly, the fact that these people are coming to this practice group because of me. They come because of what I can do and bring. They spend their own money and their own time because they feel it’s worth their while. I feel truly honoured by that and if I’m honest slightly daunted. It puts a level of pressure on me that I haven’t felt in a while, of making sure that I uphold their expectations.

The second difference is energy. On the more corporate side of my business, it is usually my energy that creates the energy in the room. I spark the energy off for others and sometimes people join in, sometimes people power themselves off my energy and sometimes people drain it from me. Yet in this environment I have the privilege of being given other people’s energy. They want to give back, they want to connect, and they want to be part of it.

I couldn’t get to sleep that night because I had been powered up to a level I had never yet experienced. And if you know me already and know how much energy I have myself, times that by ten and it becomes obvious why I couldn’t sleep. If you don’t know me yet, let’s put it like this, I could have illuminated a whole town with the amount of vibration I was projecting. Phew. It took me another day before I was back to being the usual me!

We’re not having a practice group in December (on the one hand I breathe a sigh of relief and the other disappointment not to be connecting) it’s a busy time and falls too close to Christmas. I have however, created a little video for all the practice group members, something fun with of course an NLP focus.

Our next practice group is on January 12th and already there seems to be more people planning to come. Our first guest speaker and an interesting night of meta programmes and time lines, linked to health and well-being. I’m also feeling confident that I am ready to launch my NLP Diploma and Practitioner courses.

So what’s my message or point in this blog? I think there are many. Give out and you’ll get back. Believing is the first step to achieving. Taking action makes all the difference. People are amazing, have faith in them. These are the messages I get. What’s the message for you? I’d be very interested to know so why not drop me a line and tell me? Send me an email with your thoughts nikki@zestlearning.co.uk.

To find out more about our practice group, visit www.meetup.com/The-Zest-NLP-Practice-Group. From the New Year information about Zest and NLP will be on our website www.zestlearning.co.uk. Or you could simply give me a call on 01252 706844. Spaces are limited! We might even have to start a second group in a bigger location. Although after that I might not sleep for a week!

The Anomaly of Talent Management

2011-11-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

Over the years I have worked with many organisation and many talented people. Most of the talented people that I have worked with have had a clear idea about what they wanted and where they were going and if they could not get their needs fulfiled by the organisation they were currently in then they would simple move to another.

Portfolio working is so much more the way of things now and people have no hesitation in jumping ship. So how do you manage this talent? How do you keep them? I think this is the wrong way to look at talent management. I think the better question to ask is how we get the best for them while they choose to stay? It starts with a simple conversation. Here’s my steps to getting the best from talented people

Step 1 – Up skill Line Managers: Being able to listen and understand language, have effective conversations and read in between the lines is an essential management skill for spotting and supporting talent.

Step 2 – Show direction: Talented people want to be able to see that their aspirations align with the company; they need to know how they can benefit the company whilst benefitting themselves.

Step 3 – Provide the challenge: Talented people like to be stretched, like achieving and want more. Make sure your company has a diverse range of options for offering stretch, such as sabbaticals, secondments, projects etc.

Step 4 – Demonstrate Value: Talented people want to be valued, and if they for one minute feel used instead of valued, they’ll be off. Remember that different people perceive value in different ways – be clear on what each individual needs to be valued and have the means to give it. This might be financial (although the least required by the talented), recognition, public praise, promotion. For some it is simply confirming their brilliance.

Step 5 – Be Flexible: Certainly for the new generation of talented people they want to be able to do things their own way. If they feel any organisations structure or bureaucracy is too rigid, this will be stifling for them and guess what? They’ll be off. Have faith that, within the bounds of the challenge, they will do what needs to be done to the best of their ability (after all they are talented).

If you can up skill your Line Manager to be able to demonstrate their ability to relate to talent consistently then you have a chance at keeping the talented long term. If a talented person wants to stay for the long term they will, if they don’t they won’t.

So what’s the difference that makes the difference with talent management? Recognising that the talent belongs to the individual, not the company. So how do you keep it – it’s starts with an open and honest dialogue about meeting talented peoples' personal needs – after all, what’s the complication is only conversation!

Zest Learning Takes to the Airwaves

2011-10-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

The unstoppable Nikki Bartlett of Zest Learning is spreading her wings into the world of radio. On Wednesday 19th October Nikki will be interviewed, desert island disc style, by Ola Agbaimoni from Tycoon Women on http://www.playvybz.com/.

It's a fantastic opportunity to hear about what makes Nikki tick, plus enjoy her great music choices. Find out about her moments of self-discovery, passion and despair and how these have shaped her life and career. Email in your comments and questions and Nikki will answer them on the show or be brave, call up and ask her live on air.

To be part of this exciting event, listen in at http://www.playvybz.com/ on 19th October between 4 and 6 pm. Please contact the radio show whilst it is being broadcast by email to studio@playvybz.com, talk live by calling 07866 100766, or text on 07934 540302.

Go on be curious!

Laughter on a Miserable Commuter Train

2011-09-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

It's 8am on Thursday 1st September, summer is officially over and autumn is here (actually by 10am the sun is shining gloriously and I'm hoping for an Indian summer!). I'm surrounded by grumpy commuters. Happy on the inside I try my best to blend in.

At the next station a Mum gets on with her 3 year old daughter and they proceed to sit behind me. This little girl is just so happy with her life. She's chatting away to her Mum and laughing, pointing things out and being very excited about the whole train journey. They talk about who they might meet for lunch and look at pictures on the Mum's phone. Then the little girl notices a picture of a lady wearing a red dress and proceeds to tell her Mummy how great her Mummy would look in that dress and maybe she could get one too and then they'd both look lovely. Her Mum, a woman who clearly dedicates time and attention to her daughter, suggests that perhaps they could go out dancing together, which receives squeals of delight.

This little girl’s bright, cheerful and excited voice soon had EVERYONE around her smiling. So simple. Let's be clear here, this Mum has got on the train with her push bike laden with two child seats (one on the back and one on the cross bar). She is clearly NOT a yummy mummy who lunches. She's simply a great mother and I am so pleased that she got on the same train as me.

Her daughter brought light and laughter onto that train, a sense of reality and a reminder to everyone that the simple things in life bring us the most pleasure.

Keep following the goal posts; you WILL be able to score the goal you're chasing

2011-08-09T06:59:00.000-07:00

My goal posts? Raising £3800 for my charity challenge!

At the end of January (2011) I signed up for the biggest challenge of my life; to trek 250km across Lapland with a Husky Sled in just 6 days. No home comforts, lots of cold and one BIG challenge.
Nothing could have prepared me for the first challenge though...actually raising the money! Just a few weeks ago, after countless car boot sales and emptying the donation boxes I had in various places, I was ready to stop. I couldn't see the goal posts. Someone had moved them so far away it felt impossible.

With a holiday looming I decided to take stock of where I had got to so far and forget about it for 10 days. Time off for me to enjoy myself. I knew there were a couple of things in the pipeline that were going to add to my total so far; a charity cricket match and a pub quiz, so I decided to see how they go.

Having received the news, while I was away, that the cricket match had raised an excellent £230 I was now fresh back from my holiday and I had the pub quiz to think about. I had put the questions together a few weeks before, the pub was virtually full and the auction and raffle prizes were ready to go. It was a success! A great night and amazing support from everyone - over £900 raised!

All of a sudden the goal posts came back into view. I CAN score this goal. It's going to take more hard work and time but with a few other events in the calendar it's looking much easier to achieve.

Our goals can be huge but actually scoring them takes many, much smaller steps. By breaking them down you can achieve your goals.

Risk vs Opportunity

2011-07-13T02:08:00.000-07:00

Am I right to take a risk for an opportunity?

This is something I have recently asked myself when considering the move from a global organisation in London to a part-time role with a small (but booming) training company, very close to home. Having a full-time secure role was great; I just felt there was something missing. Opportunity. This is something I wanted and something I couldn't see.

I loathed the two hour each way commute I had to to each day, and knew that eventually this would make me leave my full-time role in London. I also started to question whether Learning and Development was really for me or if I was made to 'just do' admin as this is what I'm good at. It all came down to that word, 'opportunity'. I couldn't see the opportunity so I started to give up. I started to think that I would just get a job closer to home and that would keep me going.

With the renewal of my season ticket looming, I knew I needed to make a decision pretty quick. Do I stay where I am in a secure role or do I take the risk and move? After many conversations with friends, family and my new employer, I decided to make the move...and how pleased I am I did!

First day in me new role...the walk to work was great. Just a 30 second walk across the road and I'm there. Already, I'm feeling more relaxed and optimistic. After the first few hours I can already see the opportunity. That's what I wanted. What a relief. The move was exactly what I needed.

Don't get me wrong, it's been tough. There are a lot of sacrifices that have had to be made. I no longer have 'spare' money and have to be pretty careful when it comes to spending. What I have gained though outweighs the financial loss. I have more time to spend with friends and family, something that had definitely suffered, and I have time to do what I really enjoy.

One thing I learnt very early in my working like was to never burn bridges...one day that bridge you built will lead you to an opportunity. Take it.

Has Anyone Clocked Me? Getting Back to Work

2011-06-28T10:48:00.001-07:00

Going back to work. It sounds so simple, and I’m only talking about part-time. After the best part of 13 years of child-rearing an opportunity arose for me to “use my brain”. A fantastic opportunity, but one which provoked a huge crisis of confidence combined with rushes of sheer exhilaration at the chance to think about something other than swimming kit, fruit and vegetable intake or the optician appointments’ I never seem to quite get around to making.

After one too many white wines I may have mentioned to a friend that pre-children I had worked in advertising and PR. It’s easy to talk about the old days with that swinging confidence that you will never go back. Then I got a phonecall suggesting I come and talk about doing some marketing for said friend’s successful business.

Things have changed considerably since I last worked. When I started work as a graduate trainee I spent most of my time at the fax machine followed by an after-work drink where we all put our car stereos on the table and, if we were particularly successful, our brick-sized mobiles. By the time I finished work, e-mail was an established form of communication but there was no Facebook, Linkedin or Twitter – the established social media of today. People still sent letters (what has become of all those bike couriers?) and brochures and print material were big business.

Have things really changed so much though? Communication, actually talking to people, is still the best way to get your message across. Years of child care have imbued me with excellent organisational skills and I am fortunate that my first “client” is flexible and open to new ideas. As I liaise with her clients and contacts I have this overwhelming belief that someone is going to “bust” me any minute, turn around and say “You really shouldn’t be here.” But actually, I should be here. I really hope this is just the beginning. I have off days when I should be working but instead I have to look after a sick child but when it does come together I feel the real “me” peeking through. That is not to say that my children stifle me but that having the courage and encouragement to pursue something which interests and engages me has been the true definition of finding “me” time. Long may it last.

There once was a girl.......

2011-06-27T04:33:00.000-07:00

There once was a girl who did really badly at school. She found it difficult to learn academically and didn’t really fit with the in crowd. Leaving school at 16 she entered the big bad world of work. Commuted to London with unhappy people in suits for several years before realising that there must be more to life.

She embarked on a travelling adventure with only £600 to her name and disappeared from conventional society for a year. Had her faith in humanity restored by unbelievably kind gestures from total strangers. She returned happy, fulfilled and determined to do something she enjoyed.

She began working in Outdoor Education, with young people from all walks of life and found that she was good at engaging, listening, reading and understanding people’s needs. She did voluntary work with youth groups and young offenders and spent four happy years cutting on her teeth.

Then one day she met a man who saw in her the hidden potential. From a completely different walk of life, he made no judgements and took her under his wing. He encouraged her back into education, pushed her to learn new things, capitalised on her talents, whilst helping her achieve and grow. They became life time friends.

After four years working with him she embraced the turbulent challenge of running her own business, met a loving man who became her husband. Who loved her, cherished her, gave her two beautiful children and supported her in everything that she did.

And that is how I am the person who I am today. What's your story?

Are you wearing your Magic Cloak?

2011-05-18T03:40:00.000-07:00

The other day as I was walking back to my car I noticed another car sitting in the middle of the road, near where I had parked. As I got closer I could see that there were two women sat in the car and the one at the wheel was shouting something to me. I wondered initially whether they might need help, directions or something, so I walked over to hear her better.

“Do you live here” she said.

“No” I replied.

“Then what the *!** are you doing parking outside my house” she said.

“Its a public road, I’m allowed to park here” I replied.

I then went onto to receive a torrent of abuse, about how I was a stuck up snob, with my big flash car (a Ford S-Max) parking in front of her house, that I’d probably been shopping spending all my money and that I had no right to park in front of her house etc. It went on for a while, so in the end I began to walk away. One further shout of abuse and I thought “enough”. I turned round went back and said, very calmly.

“How dare you make judgements about me, when you know nothing about who I am or what I do” and then I left.

For a while I was furious. I was perfectly entitled to legally park where I had and whilst it must have been frustrating for her, the approach she took only made me want to park there more.

And then I reframed the whole situation and thought, what must that lady believe about herself to see the world through such a negative lens. How unhappy and sad her life must be to be so rude and aggressive to a complete stranger over something beyond her control such as a public road that anyone is allowed to park on. After thinking about it like that I felt quite sorry for her. Surely life is meant to be a happy affair and yet for so many it is not. How you handle the challenges that life throws at you really does make a big difference and yet for some people, their life experiences, probably from a very young age, have been difficult and negative and that’s now the only way in which they see things.

I know (and I think so do some of you) that this doesn’t have to be the case and that we can change what we believe about ourselves and the world around us. It takes works, it can be emotional, but ultimately it is rewarding. If you know someone who wants to make this kind of change, put them in touch with me as I really can help them.

I would have offered my services to the distressed parking lady – I’m not sure she was in the right place for that feedback – and as much as my magic cloak was protecting me from her verbal abuse, I think antagonising her more may have changed verbal abuse to physical abuse, and although I’m nearly six foot tall, I’m actually quite a softy!

Final note – I saw the lady again today and noticed that she didn’t live in the house where my car had been parked but at the other end of the street!

I'm H A P P Y (sing the title!)

2011-05-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

Recently my husband directed me to a blog someone had written entitled "100 things that make you happy except money" and then proceeded to list their 100 things. It was such a lovely blog to read in this crazy world we live in that we (hubby and I) decided to do it ourselves. So we sat down one evening, glass of red wine in one hand, white glistening sheet of paper in front and poised pen in the other hand. And then I began to write, the words tumbled onto the page willingly and emotionally, bringing to the front of my mind the simple things that can be the difference that make the difference.

What an exceptionally amazing experience. Sheer happiness and at times close to tears at the beauty of the simple things around us. We then sat and discussed our 100 things and noticed the similarities and the differences. How refreshing to realise that you have many thing in common that make you happy and also the little different things that work for each other. A breath taking return to appreciating all that is around you.

I was asked subsequently by a friend how many of the things on my list required money to be achieved. Which was a very good question and indeed I have to concede there are a few! But as Hertzberg says money is not a motivator and yes I am privileged enough to have a good living. But still it’s not money that really makes me happy (or I would passionately argue, anyone).

I thought I’d share my 100 things with you, but before you read on I would like to ask you to do one thing for me. Take half an hour with someone who you trust and love and write your own 100 things that make you happy apart from money. It really is the most rewarding exercise and one that I want to share with you and that I want you to share with others. Be happy – GO ON....

Listening to music.
Listening to my husband play guitar.
Getting stuff done.
My children.
My son doing his James Bond eyebrows.
My daughters funny laugh.
George, my mad dog, running.
Running.
My friend Bridget.
Nick in happy mode.
Nick in silly mode.
Driving the VW fast.
Packing the car boot well.
A positive and engaged conversation with my mum.
Memories.
Being outdoors.
Clean sheets.
Sleep.
A conversational evening with my friends.
Seeing my oldest friend, Justyne.
Sharing my knowledge
Asking the right question.
Learning and growing.
Being at peace with myself.
Babies.
Reading books curled up in a chair.
Looking good.
Feeling fit.
Night time activities!!
Jumping on the trampoline with my kids.
Walking on the common whatever the weather.
Feeling like I belong.
The smell of horses.
Sunshine.
A crackling log fire.
Holding hands.
A tidy house.
Eating cheese.
A thick and creamy Dauphinoise.
Arriving at Rosedene.
Chatting with Grandma.
Looking at my wedding photos.
Chilling out.
Wearing complimentary clothes.
Hugs – with anyone!
Ste, Sian, Owain and Aoife – Our good friends The Greens.
Being needed just the right amount.
Getting it.
Modern family on the TV.
Gaucin.
My brother with my children.
My wedding rings.
Playing sport.
Planning and going on holiday.
Watching my sleeping children.
Breathtaking views.
Hosting parties.
Happiness in others.
Helping others.
Being organised.
Competing.
Camping.
Achievement.
Happy Friday nights.
Dancing round the kitchen.
Just sitting, calm and content.
Warm, soft passionate kisses.
Long nails.
Working with Kris.
Jessica in her own world, singing.
Joseph shaking his cheeky bum.
Silence.
Lying in bed on Sundays.
Joseph's sense of humour.
Jessica’s beauty.
Having purpose and making the effort.
Bedtime squeezes with Joseph.
Walks at Lions Mouth with my family.
Ski-ing.
Galloping across open planes.
Seeing Karen.
My dad looking well.
The thought of Blob and Splat.
Being able to say “here” when asked “where”.
Yearly photo albums.
Summer.
When Nick is at peace.
Meditation (must do more).
Singing round a campfire.
The sea.
Wandering hand in hand with Nick.
Woodpecker kisses from Jessica.
Seeing Nick’s talents in action.
Music in my ears on the tube/train.
Noah – a happy boy.
Alice – what a pickle!
Mustard (my new found food love!).
Washing hanging on the line.
My family unit.
All things Nicholas Peter Bartlett.

Happiness is All Around You!

2011-03-09T03:24:00.000-08:00

This morning my husband was dashing off to a very important business meeting, and as I watched him preparing and planning and pacing and practicing I suddenly thought to myself - gosh I really do love this man and inside I simply felt warm and happy.

Next my children came charging in with demands and stories, their individual characters exploding from within and I thought to myself, gosh I really do love my children.

It really is as simple as that. Have you looked at your loved ones recently and simply enjoyed them for all their positives. Of course living with others can sometimes be difficult and we have to learn to adapt to each other.

But how much time have you spent recently just thinking about all the positive things that your partner and family give you - what simple joys they bring.

Maybe it's because spring is in the air - who knows! What I do know is that you will feel great if you give just two minutes of your time reflecting on what you gain from being with them.

Do it now - go on enjoy yourself.

Stimulating the Senses with Souks and Sunshine!

2011-02-22T08:40:00.000-08:00

“Lost, lost – you want the souks? This way, this way – follow me”. Said by a total stranger to me whilst visiting Marrakesh a couple of weekends ago. Every one of my senses was screaming what are you doing following a total stranger down tiny alleyways that twist and turn, past women covered from head to foot with only their eyes showing, and Moroccan men starring intently at me, being a nearly six foot tall, blonde, Anglo Saxon women (and I had my head covered!). “Come, come this way this way” even further into the twisted alleyways.

“Are we sure about this?” I said to my husband as we’re both walking very hesitantly behind the man, realising that we no longer have any idea where we’ve come from or where we are going. “This really doesn’t feel right”. Any yet we still followed because something told us to trust this man. All logical thought about the situation was telling us, you should not be doing this – are you mad? But something somewhere within made us both feel that it would be alright. If I heard my children tell me this story I would probably go mad at them! Round one last corner and finally we stepped back into the familiarity of the Souks, and felt the sunshine.

Being pushed outside our comfort zone and having an assault on our senses so opposed to what our cultural norms are is quite a shock to the system and the adrenaline really kicks in. I often take my delegates to work with The Passage, UK largest homeless centre, because I want to push them outside their comfort zone to test their learning and ability to put into practice the skills we’ve been developing in a situation that can be quite uncomfortable. The elation they have the end of the day is palpable as the adrenaline subsides and they realise that it was all OK and that they really learned not only more about themselves but gave back to others whose lives aren’t so fortunate. They felt the fear and did it anyway.

I felt the fear in that souk and it was a great learning lesson. Yes of course we must do everything to keep ourselves safe but without that push outside our comfort zone, without that challenge on our sensibilities and our beliefs, we can become like robots, just continuing to function on a daily basis without really living.

Marrakesh was a wonderful place, full of culture and strong beliefs and very very different to the privileged life I live here. The people were welcoming, charming and strong and were living their lives according to their customs. I’m sure a trip to leafy surrey would be an assault on their senses, albeit in a completely different way.

So it begs the question - what have you done recently that’s really pushed you outside your comfort zone – what will it take for you to feel the elation of achievement when you feel the fear, do it anyway and come out the other side stronger. I can assure you it’s a total rush.

The Right Time for Everything

2011-01-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

Is there a right time for everything? Have you ever tried to do something and for one reason or another it doesn’t work out. Does that mean you were wrong and it was not meant to be? Or does that mean that it simply was not the right time. I believe that if you truly want something and maintain the desire for it, you will get it at some point.

The problem begins when we lose our faith.

A friend of mine, we’ll call him John, has just made a huge leap of faith in a change of career late on in his life. Brave, courageous and scary all at the same time. Within the first week numerous things went wrong. Equipment broke down, meetings were forgotten and mistakes were made. Nerves were on edge and emotions were running high. The impact and shift to his lifestyle and his routine were seriously out of kilter and affecting those around him too.

One view would be – what a mistake that change was, look at all the signs saying you should have stayed where you were, safe in your unhappy routine.

Another perspective would be – change is disruptive and things take time to find their natural order and balance, hold the belief that this was the right decision and accept that there is a right time for everything and now was the right time. Blips are all part of the learning.

Henry Ford said, (and if you’ve ever experience one of my talks you’ll have heard this before) “If you believe you can or you believe you can’t your right”. If John chooses to believe that the signs are telling him it was the wrong decision it will be just that, the wrong decision. If he chooses to hold onto his original belief that it was the right time for change, it will be just that – the right time. So he has a choice – to reinforce the positive or reinforce the negative.

Sometimes we have to keep our nerve, to hold true to what we believe and have the courage to notice when the time is right and leap – have faith.

This year is all about change, I feel it coming, there are changes that I want and instead of being frustrated because at the moment I can’t see how they will happen, I am determine to believe that there is a right time for everything and when everything is ready the time will come.

What change do you want for yourself? Think about it now because this is the year for it. Have you really thought through what you want for your happiness? Write down now three things that you would like to be different, they can be small or enormous, the start is to simply recognise them and if you truly believe, with bravery, courage and a little fear, the right time will come.

Create a little magic!

2010-11-17T09:43:00.000-08:00

So winter is finally here with cold snaps, wind, rain and grey days. The strong oak at the bottom of my garden, such a marker of the seasons, now stands bare. For many the colder wetter winter weather and short daylight hours can create the blues.

Yet some people love this season, nothing can be more glorious than the colorful variety of the fallen leaves, or coming in from the cold feeling the flush in your cheeks, or watching the flickering flames in front of a warming fire. The vast difference of these perspectives can have such an impact to our enjoyment of life.

So what can you do? To start you need to find things that make you feel good, these may be relevant to this time of year, or generic things that make you happy, like spendIng time with friends or reading a good book. Secondly you need to make time in your life to do those things and when you do them you really have to be present in the moment - by that I mean stop all the noise that might be rushing through your head and really pay attention, and I mean REALLY pay attention to the enjoyment your chosen activity brings. Take a moment right now to think of one thing that makes you happy - got it? Right now ask yourself - what is it about this that bring me joy?

I often encourage some of my private clients to create a "happy box" in which they put numerous things to remind them of what makes them happy. Sometimes just statements written on card or actual objects that have strong connections. This really helps because it is often very difficult to make yourself happy when you're feeling down so this is one way to bring happiness back to mind. It is far easier to let happiness in than it is to push unhappiness out.

Finding joy in the little things, creating a little magic for yourself is simply a choice. The question to ask yourself is what do you want? ACT NOW! Write down what you want to feel and how you want to be over the coming winter months, then focus on the things you can do to create those feelings. Find something in your life that will create for you a little magic! Go on you know your worth it.

Difficult Conversations

2010-10-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

“What’s the complication its only conversation” is a great line in a song by The Feeling. I love this line – it’s a simple statement and yet the complexities of human relationships make having some conversations really difficult. The biggest factor at play of course is our emotions.

I’ve had several difficult conversations recently. One of them was difficult because I was very emotionally affected, the other because I had to readdress my personal values. And yet having subsequently had both conversations, in hindsight, they really weren’t as bad as I thought. Many of us get ourselves worked up about something that is ultimately easily resolved if we can have an open, frank and honest conversation that gives equal validity to both sides.

So many things can get sorted if we have an effective conversation, if we can open ourselves up to stay connected to the other person and be clear on what we want to achieve. The hardest part is often just saying the first few words and the more we dwell on them, the more daunting it can become. So here’s what I suggest:

1. Be clear – what is it you want to have achieved at the end of the conversation? Spend time thinking this through, making sure you take into account what the other person might want too.

2. Notice – take time to reflect on how you’re feeling about the impending conversation and be honest with yourself about why you feel like that. Think about how you WANT to feel when having the conversation, generate ways to help you have that feeling during the conversation so that you can keep it productive.

3. Change – recognise that we cannot change other people only ourselves, so think about what you are doing that is making you perceive that conversation as difficult and reframe it. For example change “oh no I’m not looking forward to this” to “How great it will be when I’ve got this resolved”.

4. Take action – make the conversation happen, it’s likely the other party is either unaware that you want to talk or are avoiding the conversation themselves.

Finally, if you think you need extra help get a good friend or coach to help you work through each point above. I promise you’ll feel a lot better – after all it’s only talking... right?

What's More Important?

2010-09-05T05:11:00.000-07:00

It's been on my mind all summer that I really need to write another blog. My business is going really well and I'm getting busier and busier. My children have been on school holiday and I've been juggling working and spending quality time with them and whilst writing my next blog has been on my mind, the priority has been quite low.

It raises the questions "What's more important"?

I was looking at my twitter account the other day and there are two or three people on their who are tweeting five or six times a day. I find this amazing and ask myself is it really that important to "tweet" so much. Actually I started finding the numerous tweets they send out irritating. I have to trawl through them to find the more interesting stuff from people who actually tweet less.

So it got me to thinking do I really have to write another blog, is it really that important. Which brought me to the question of why do I do it? To keep up with the trend, to have a cyber presence, to show that I too can use modern technology. But on the whole is it really that important?

For people whose business is in the digital market, it is of course, absolutely important. But for me, where my business is working with people, yes blogging and tweeting has a place - it's useful to help get me known. But actually the feedback I get and the reputation I have with those who have worked with me it much more important.

And of course spend time with my children tops the lot. So the questions to ponder is What's More Important to You? Are you really spending your time where it should be spent or are you just trying to keep up with the Jones's. Surely that worth thinking about?

Frustration

2010-06-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

About two months ago I damaged my foot whilst playing netball. I love netball, it really makes me tick. I love the adrenaline, the competitiveness, the team environment and of course winning! The foot injury I have sustained means that I can do no impact sport until it is fully healed in case I break it. So as you can imagine that means no netball for me at the moment. My first frustration.

To help heal my foot I need an orthotic devise to hold my foot in place. This was meant to take 2 - 3 weeks to arrive and whilst I waited for it, I was advised to strapped my foot in a way that supported my instep and aided the healing process. After 5 weeks waiting (frustration number 2) and with much chasing the orthotic finally arrived - "hurray" I cried.

I've been desperate to get the orthotic because having had my foot strapped every day for the last 5 weeks I now have really irritated skin on my foot, which is red raw, sore and very itchy with the heat. Sore foot - frustration number 3.

Enter frustration number 4 - the orthotic may have arrived but I have to wait another week to get an appointment to get it fitted. Add to this I'm putting on weight because I'm not doing as much exercise (frustration number 5). You can start to see why I'm writing a blog about frustration.

So here's the thing - why be frustrated. I have been and I've not enjoyed it. Being frustrated brings me no pleasure and it simply puts me in a bad mood. So I decided that I will not be frustrated by my foot any more. I've taken a leaf out of Covey's 7 Habits and focused on what I can do something about:

Eat less, stop picking at the kids food and control my food intake to help balance my weight.
Started cycling (no impact to foot!) which helps me feel good as I'm still exercising.
Put my life into context - 6 weeks is a relatively short time given the amount of time I'll be alive.
Think differently - why waste my energy being frustrated when I could spend it being happy.

So what's frustrating you? Is it something in your control, or is it something outside of your control. Is it really worth being frustrated about, or could you be spending your energy in a much better way. As the famous prayer goes "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference".

Good luck!

Feeling the Pressure

2010-06-09T05:50:00.001-07:00

I was having a conversation yesterday about how busy we all are. Many of us rushing around, busy being busy, and yet is the "busyness" productive? Sometimes we have to accept what we can reasonable achieve, work hard at achieving it and let the "pressure" of being able to do everything go.

I too am currently very busy and yet I do not feel under any pressure. I have a couple of very important assignments which have a lot riding on them and that need to go better than fantastic. And yet - I am not stressed or worried or frantic.

Which led to me asking myself the question - why is that?

Belief has a great deal to do with it as does confidence. Here are some of my beliefs.

I am very good at what I do. This belief is reinforced by the results, compliments, repeat business, and feedback that I get from clients.
You get back what you give out. I give out positive energy and guess what - most of the time I get it back.
I am at peace with who I am. I'm not perfect (who is?) but I am happy just to be me. I do not feel the pressure to prove myself to others, the quality of my work does that for me.

So here are some questions for you:

How well do you handle pressure?
What is the cut of point for you when enough's enough and you'll leave those pressures behind?
What do you believe about yourself?

Just take some time out of your busy day to stop and think. Just 10 minutes of pure thinking could save your hours of wasted busyness.

It's all in the mind.

2010-06-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

I've just returned from a happy camping trip on the Isle of Wight. We had glorious sunny weather for most of it and a couple days of rain. The rain started to fall as we started to pack up our tents and got heavier and heavier. Now, in an ideal world, it helps to have a nice rain free day for packing up from camping, putting everything away dry makes life easy. But life isn't always easy and sometimes it throws challenges at us.

As I looked around at the other campers putting away their camping kit I noticed that some people were looking miserable as sin, downcast faces with the downcast weather and others (mostly the people in my party) where laughing and joking, enjoying the rain.

How you view a situation stems from how you think about it. If you constantly see life as a difficult challenge - then guess what? It always will be. Yet if you see life as an enjoyable challenge - choosing to see the positive's in the situation, then guess what? It will be positive.

How are you looking at your day right now? Imagine what it would be like if everything that you came across through your day you saw, heard or felt with a positive spin on it!

Your outlook on life is all in your mind. You can choose to look at things a different way so find a way to brighten your day and the day of those around you.

I'm off to see Nanny McPhee with the kids - whoopee!!

It's simple curiosity

2010-05-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

I've just spend a really enjoyable 24 hours with a group. My role was to provide fun, stimulating and thought provoking learning that had a serious message. I am always amazed at how much satisfaction and joy I can get from watching other people learn and discover about themselves. My opening was to be curious. A simple enough statement and yet we spend so much of our time going about our daily business that we loose our sense of curiosity. What would it be like if...

So this week why not:

Be curious about yourself - become aware of what you doing and just ask yourself about it, are you enjoying what you're doing, do you need to do it, could you be doing something else instead, is there a way you could make what your doing better?
Be curious about others - what makes someone else tick, what could you do to help improve your time with them, how much effort would it take to walk in their shoes (metaphorically of course!) for a while.
Be curious full stop. Simple take time to notice what's going on around you.

I wonder what you'll notice?